Premarital sex

Hello and welcome to today’s program about premarital sex.

This is a topic that primarily concerns teenagers, young people, and unmarried couples, who are often curious about their sexuality and about engaging in sex before marriage.

To answer our questions, we have five speakers. They are: Aboubacar Traoré and Mariam Koné, both young journalists, the couple Rachel and Drissa Coulibaly, and our expert in sexual and reproductive health, Dr. Mamadou Coulibaly. Welcome to you all!

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Hello Mariam, thank you for accepting our

invitation. At the age of 19, you are a young journalist. And you host a program that promotes peace in Mali, called Denmisenw Kunkan, which means Let’s Talk Youth in English. What can you say about sex before marriage?

In my opinion, premarital sex is useful because it

allows prospective partners to discover each other sexually. Before they are legally married, each of them then knows what their partner likes or what their partner can handle sexually. The benefits of premarital sex are that it allows newlyweds to get to know each other and establish a sense of intimacy.

What are some of the consequences that can arisefrom premarital sex?

Sometimes premarital sex can break up a marriage. According to Malian tradition, which is rooted in ancestral practices, the wedding night is an important moment for both families. Once the newlyweds finish uniting, tradition requires that the white sheet covering their bed be stained with blood. If this is the case, the bride’s family leaves the wedding party with honour. If the sheet is not stained with blood, it is considered shameful for the bride and her family. Today, it is very difficult to talk openly about premarital sex for fear of going against religion or tradition.

Premarital sex is a highly taboo subject for many people in Mali. Why is that?

This taboo goes back to the time of our ancestors. During that time, sex was sacred and you had to be initiated to talk about it. Young people could not ask about it. This applied until their parents or grandparents initiated them through traditional practices such as circumcision or excision. In ancient times, these practices happened as children approached adolescence.

What do cultural and religious beliefs say about premarital sex?

According to our cultural and religious beliefs, sexual relations are forbidden before marriage. This prohibition comes from the tradition that any young girl who gets married is a virgin. However, this prohibition is not applied to the groom.

As a young woman, did cultural and religious beliefs influence your decision to have premarital sex?

Yes, religious and cultural beliefs influenced my decision to have premarital sex. It was important to avoid premarital sex for fear of disgracing my parents. But with what my male and female friends were saying about the subject, curiosity got the better of me. The hardest part was that my boyfriend was also new to sex. There was no one to tell us what to do to avoid getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted infection. We wanted to continue discovering sex, but there was constant fear after each sexual intercourse.

How do you think we can make it easier for women and men to access sexual and reproductive health services without being stigmatized or without having to access services secretly?

We need to end the stigmatization of girls who dare to discover their sexuality before marriage. We also need to organize awareness sessions for parents on the most popular radio stations in our country. Sexual health education should also be taught in schools to provide young people with the knowledge they need.

Thank you, Mariam. Joining us in this studio is 21-year-old Aboubacar Traoré. You are a journalism student at the Ecole supérieure de Journalisme et des Sciences de la Communication in Bamako, and President of the Association des Jeunes Engagés pour la Paix. Do people engage in premarital sex in Mali?

Many people have premarital sex in Mali. Very few of my friends can claim to have never had sex, even though none of us are married.

So where does the belief in preserving virginity until marriage come from?

This belief has been passed down by our parents from generation to generation. Religion has come to reinforce this belief. But this rule was primarily established for young girls. Today, we can clearly see that this belief is no longer respected by both unmarried women and men. We need to start thinking about changing this belief.

As an unmarried man, did cultural and religious beliefs influence your decision to engage in premarital sex?

No, not really. It’s true that we want to respect or honour our parents by remaining chaste. But when my libido started to develop, instead of engaging in masturbation, I preferred to go see a young girl.

Are you able to access sexual health services?

I know that there are sexual health services in the capital, but I have never been to any. I feel embarrassed to be stared at, or to be insulted by sexual and reproductive health counseling agents because of my young age.

What do you think needs to change to enable men, especially young men, to access sexual and reproductive health services without being stigmatized or having to access them secretly?

We need to organize information and awareness sessions for them. That way, they will understand that health services are available to help them and to promote their well-being.

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In our studios we have Mrs. Rachel and Mr. Drissa Coulibaly, a couple who have been married for several years and have two children, an eight-year-old boy and a five-year-old girl. The Coulibaly couple will share their experiences with premarital sex with us.

So, Mrs. Rachel Coulibaly, what do you think: are men involved in decisions about premarital sex? If not, why not?

Men are not often involved in decisions about

premarital sex. The reason is that traditionally they did not need to preserve their chastity before marriage. Therefore, they had no moral obligation to society in this regard. But in today’s society, it is up to both partners to ensure that the sexual relationship is safe, mutually agreed upon, and respectful of both partners.

Mr. Drissa Coulibaly, do you think that men should also be involved in decisions to have premarital sex? Why or why not?

Not really! They don’t worry about having to

preserve their chastity before marriage. In fact, in our tradition, men are considered the “dominant sex.” So the man better be experienced in order to satisfy his wife sexually. Nowadays, some couples engage in premarital sex, while others do not.

Rachel suggested that women could be stigmatized for having premarital sex, but men are not. Why do you think this is the case?

According to our cultural and religious beliefs, awoman must enter marriage as a virgin. People believe that this is an indication that her parents brought her up properly. If a woman knows about sex before marriage, she is considered promiscuous. She is ostracized from the activities of her community, sometimes even insulted and denigrated. Today, we see this as an unfair way to treat women.

Would you consider talking about sexuality and sexual health with your own children? Why or why not?

Yes, of course. It’s important to talk to them about their sexual health for their well-being and development. We don’t want to make the same mistakes our parents did. It’s true that they didn’t talk about it, thinking they were protecting us. But we know today that ignorance does not protect. We choose to discuss this with our children.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Coulibaly.Now we have a doctor in charge of sexual and reproductive health. He is currently working at the Bankass Referral Health Centre, and is in charge of accompanying young girls and women in the development of their sexual lives. His name is Dr. Mamadou Coulibaly. Tell us, Dr. Coulibaly, how does sex before the legal age and premarital sex differ?

Sex before the legal age is a sexual relationship between two individuals under 18 years of age. Whereas premarital sex involves two people who have engaged in the sexual act before their legal marriage.

Is premarital sex a new phenomenon? Are there any medical benefits of premarital sex?

Premarital sex is a phenomenon as old as the world itself. But as far as I know, there are no medical benefits to premarital sex.

Knowing that people are having premarital sex, how can they look after their health? What precautions should unmarried people take to prevent or deal with the consequences of premarital sex?

When you want to have premarital sex, you should wear condoms to avoid STIs and HIV. And/or adopt a contraceptive method to prevent unwanted or early pregnancies. When we see young girls who come for consultation, we offer them services which are adapted to their needs, such as screening for sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy tests. Once the girl’s status is known, we adopt the appropriate treatment. And we definitely ask her to bring her partner to check on his health.

In your experience, can unmarried people accesssexual health services? For example, decisions about contraceptives, or health services at local clinics for STI testing or treatment?

Unmarried people can access all sexual andreproductive health services offered at health facilities in Mali. These services are available to them because the government or international agencies subsidize them directly.

Are there any social consequences for unmarriedpeople, such as stigma, if they access sexual health services?

There is no discrimination based on gender, socialstatus, or marital status with respect to the provision of care at our health centre. For example, at the Bankass Referral Health Centre, we have tailored our services to the needs of adolescents. They are exposed to the consequences of premarital sex and are particularly vulnerable. We receive them, listen to them without judgment, and help them make informed choices about using family planning services. Our main goal is to provide these young, unmarried couples with services based on their specific needs.

In your opinion, are unmarried couples stigmatizedby the community?

Sometimes we get complaints about thestigmatization of young girls who have become pregnant outside marriage. This comes from their peers, their family members, or from the religious community.

What needs to change to reduce stigma, improvesexual health services, and education about sexuality and sexual health?

To reduce stigma and discrimination, we need tounderstand that everyone has rights that must be respected. These include the right to health, education, and self-determination. Today, a lot of effort is being made by the State to ensure that everyone has the same opportunity to access basic social services in our country

Thanks to the young people who agreed todevote their time to answering our questions. We would also like to thank the Coulibaly couple who provided us with a family perspective on the subject. And let’s not forget the expert in sexual and reproductive health who enlightened us about the importance of referring to reproductive and sexual health services.

Ultimately, sex involves risks such as STIs or unwanted pregnancies, whether it comes before or after marriage. The recommended solution, without exception, is to dare to talk about sexual health with young people from their adolescence onwards, in order to lift the taboos on sexual education. This will make it easier for them to access sexual health services and guarantee them a good future. Couples who are already married can also access these services to better monitor their sexual and reproductive health.

Thank you to all our listeners for listening. We will be back soon with a new program. Until then, take care.

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