How a family divides tasks to address gender inequities

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Hello listeners, welcome back to your favourite program, The healthy family. Today, we have a special focus on unpaid care work in homes, and how sharing household responsibilities between men and women can benefit families.

Unpaid care work involves domestic chores and the direct care of persons, including children, the elderly, the sick and persons with disabilities, and able-bodied adults. Unpaid work also involves collecting water and firewood, growing food crops, and caring for livestock. It also includes preparing meals, cleaning homes, and shopping, tasks that are particularly time-consuming.

Today, we will be discussing the severe impact of this work on women and the family and how sharing household responsibilities can help women have a balanced life, be able to work, and be better-positioned to contribute financially to the family. Sharing household responsibilities is beneficial for the whole family, including the children.

To help us understand this issue, we have a gender activist, Ayo Tetteh, who is the Programmes Manager at the Gender Studies and Human Rights Documentation Centre in Accra.We also have Rev. Manuel Nkrumah, a family therapist and relationship counselor at Newhope Counselling. We will speak to Mr. Awotse Tettey, an entrepreneur and family man who will share his experiences as a father. Then we will have Mrs. Vera Inkum, who will share her experience with unpaid care work as a mother and wife.

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Let’s dive right in! Madame Ayo Tetteh, we understand that women do most of the unpaid care in homes. Why is this so?

Research over the years has shown that women tend to spend between five and six hours a day on unpaid care work while men spend between 30 minutes and two hours. So, unpaid care work lies mostly on the shoulders of women.

Why is this so? It’s culture. Our tradition and social norms maintain that the woman’s place in in the house, and the man’s place is to be the breadwinner for the family. This has been consistent since time immemorial across the world, not only Africa. But in some traditions and cultures, it is more pronounced than others. For example, in the northern part of Ghana, a woman’s unpaid care extends beyond what she does in the household. The woman is also given a little piece of land that she is supposed to farm to feed the house, but not to sell to make money. But one standard thing across the world is that a woman’s role is to do household chores, take care of the family, and provide voluntary services to the community.

What’s your take on unpaid care work being a shared responsibility in the home?

That is the ideal thing—the man and woman sharing responsibilities at home.

Rev. Manuel Nkrumah, do you agree that unpaid care work at home should be shared between the husband and wife?

Oh yes. Some things should be a shared responsibility so that one person is not worn out all the time. And where the man is also very busy and not at home often, then house help can come in handy. For example, a woman with children has a lot of things to wash, so the husband can provide a washing machine.

So you both agree it should be a shared responsibility. Before we go on to talk about solutions, let’s understand how seriously this issue of unpaid care work affects the home. Madame Ayo Tetteh, let me get your take first.

The negative impacts of not sharing responsibilities are numerous and severe. First, a woman is unable to engage in productive economic activity. This means that she cannot bring money home, and this limits her power of negotiation and her involvement in making decisions. Her financial reliance on the man also creates room for an increase in violence. The man may say “You are not bringing money, yet you want to tell me what I should use my money for.”

Women tend to have something to do all the time, with unending chores. This has health implications. The more they are stressed, the more they are likely to have high blood pressure and mental health issues such as depression. And because she’s so busy taking care of everybody, she’s not able to access adequate healthcare for herself.

Rev. Nkrumah, the impacts described by Madam Ayo are serious. What is your view?

My colleague panelist has said a lot, but let me add this. Most of the time, some men are oblivious of the fact that their wives are tired after doing so much all day. They feel that, “Well, I have gone to make the money, so why are you complaining about your part?” They forget that, when the wife is always tired, she can’t spend a lot of time with him when he returns from work. This affects the relationship. Most men think that house chores are not work. But after counseling and drawing their attention to all that women do, especially when children are involved, they realize that, wow, it is a big deal.

Let’s have Mrs. Inkum share her experience with us. Mrs. Inkum lives in Accra, is a mother of three girls, and a fashion designer turned housewife. Mrs. Inkum, thank you for joining us today. Can you tell our listeners about the transition from working to full-time homemaker?

Before I got married, I was thriving in my fashion designer business. I was making enough money to support my parents and to cater for my younger siblings without having to depend on anyone. I was really enjoying the financial independence. Two years into marriage, I had to pause the business and focus on my family because I was blessed with twins and the care and chores at home were too much to bear—even with help. So my husband and I decided that I would quit my business and stay at home and he could work and provide financially for the house.

When you were working, how were the household responsibilities managed by you and your husband?

Before we had children, the house chores were not shared, but my husband helped with small things like cleaning the living area and ironing my dress for work or church. I managed my fashion business and also contributed to household chores and childcare, with some support from him.

How did your responsibilities increase with the birth of your children?

They increased significantly. The washing, cooking, and cleaning became more. The sleepless nights affected my ability to give my best to my clients. It became overwhelming to manage the house and my business, leading to the decision to become a full-time homemaker.

How has this transition impacted your life and mental well-being?

Well, it’s been a significant shift. Now, as a full-time homemaker, I’ve let go of something that was a big part of my identity. It’s been challenging to adjust to a life where my focus is solely on household chores and childcare. Mentally, it’s taken a toll on me. I often feel overwhelmed and undervalued. Now if I need anything for myself, I have to ask my husband for it. The depression has been difficult to cope with.

Do you see yourself returning to work at a different stage of life?

I haven’t given up on the idea of returning to work when my children are more independent. I have been home for more than seven years, but I hope to discuss the option of working again soon with my husband.

Listeners, this is the experience of a mother in the city. So you can imagine what rural folks are going through. Mrs. Inkum, I will get back to you for some final words.

Now let’s have Mr. Awotse Tettey share his experience as a supportive husband with our listeners.

Mr. Awotse Tettey, you have been married for five years now and I understand you help your wife with chores at home. What exactly do you help her with?

I do a lot at home when I have the time. Sometimes, I go to the market to shop for the house, the provisions and food, I help with the cooking, other times I do the laundry. These are shared responsibilities we agree to do together.

Has helping your wife at home had a positive impact?

Well, it makes life easier for both of us. With my help, my wife is less stressed and able to make time for other productive things.

As a businessman and entrepreneur, how do you balance your professional commitments with these responsibilities?

Well, I can be quite busy, but the least chance I get at home, I help out. Fortunately, I work from home most often, and it makes it easier for me. So during my free hours, I just take up these responsibilities. What I can tell other husbands who want to share household duties with their partners is that there is nothing wrong with it. It’s about your attitude. Just think of it as being partners in everything. Don’t think about you being the main breadwinner so you are not going to help with household responsibilities. It puts so much stress on the woman. Help your spouse with household responsibilities.

Since you got married, have you ever been ridiculed or faced any prejudice for taking on these responsibilities that are traditionally associated with women?

I’ll say no. Because surprisingly, my circle of friends all do the same. We see that these things make us more responsible, and they’re a way to show love to our spouses. But I know that some men feel shy because people may think they are not man enough if they do what is “the duty of the woman.” But, together with my circle of friends, I do not see it as such.

Can you tell us about any specific instances where your involvement in unpaid care work made a significant difference in your family’s life?

You know my wife is a fashion designer, and during peak seasons, she works late into the night. So sometimes I wake my little boy up early in the morning. I sometimes prepare him breakfast whilst his mom is still resting. I make sure he showers and I iron his clothing and take him to school. I think this makes a significant difference. And then my wife has enough time to attend to other equally beneficial activities.

Listeners, we heard from an entrepreneur and businessman, Mr. Awotse Tettey. He helps his wife with many things at home and still has time to make money. Thank you very much. I will come back to you for your final words.

So, Rev. Nkrumah, as a family therapist and a counselor, how do you encourage couples to share responsibilities at home?

There is a tool I use for counselling called family temperature reading, where the whole family sits down to discuss chores and responsibilities.

Tell us more about this family temperature reading.

The technique involves holding structured family meetings to organize the household, assign responsibilities, and improve communication. The first step typically includes expressing appreciation, discussing problems or concerns, sharing new information, sharing complaints and possible solutions, and expressing hopes and wishes. By following this structured approach, family members can express their feelings in a non-confrontational manner, leading to better understanding.

In a family where either the man or the woman is stressed financially or overwhelmed with house chores, these issues will arise and be addressed.

We also allow the children to identify what they can do to help the home. Depending on how old the children are, some of the laundry can be taken care of, the kitchen can be taken care of, cleaning the living area can be done. And where a maid has to come in, we look at what the maid is doing and how the maid will be paid. When we talk about money, we look at how much the husband and wife are earning. We look at how much each can pay into a common account to handle the home chores or to pay for utilities and other things. In the end, in a family meeting, we are looking for win-win solutions for all.

Listeners, this is your favourite program, The healthy family, and today we are discussing unpaid care work, and the fact that women are negatively effected when responsibilities at home are not shared equally between the man and the woman.

Now let me take final words from all of you, starting with Mrs. Inkum.

Honestly, we need to redefine traditional gender roles and share responsibilities more equitably. Society and families should recognize the value of unpaid care work and provide support systems that allow women to pursue their personal and professional goals while also managing household and caregiving duties.

Rev. Nkrumah, your turn.

If there is equal distribution of responsibilities at home, nobody is too burdened and nobody is under-burdened. Everybody knows what is expected of them. Where the workload is too much for the couple, they come together and get external help and agree on how to pay for that help.

Your final words, Madame Ayo Tetteh.

I want to emphasize the negative effects on women who are solely responsible for unpaid care work so people appreciate its severity. Imagine the number of women’s lives we could have saved if they had more time for themselves and paid more attention to their health issues. We need to reverse this trend so women can be fully productive in the home and the community and nation. So it’s very important that all responsibilities and chores at home are shared equally.

Your final words, Mr. Awotse Tettey.

I would add that men should stop having the traditional mindset that the kitchen or the home chores are primarily for women. No, it’s for the two of you. That is why the word is “partners.” You share everything. You share the stress. You share the sweets. You share the hard work.

I would encourage all men to help take care of the kids, to help with the kids’ homework, to help in the kitchen once in a while—and not just cross their legs and read newspapers and magazines and order their spouses around.

All too soon we have come to the end of another educative and revealing episode on your favourite family program, The healthy family. Remember, a family where responsibilities are shared among family members can have many positive outcomes. A household that shares tasks promotes gender equality.

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