Community perception: The right to choose one’s spouse

Hello listeners, welcome to our program. Today, with our guests, we will talk about the community’s perception of the right to choose one’s spouse. They will discuss the causes and consequences of choosing a partner. We will also talk about the actions of associations and organizations working to end this practice.

To discuss this, we have brought together several guests around the same table, representing different voices from the community:

Mr. Boubacar Diallo, neighborhood chief in Bamako, deeply attached to traditional values and the role of families in choosing a spouse.

Mrs. Aïssata Traoré, mother and member of a women’s association, who believes that dialogue between generations is essential.

Miss Fatoumata Koné, a 25-year-old woman who freely chose her spouse, symbolizing a youth seeking autonomy.

Aminata Diarra, 22, married against her will to a man chosen by her family, who will share her experience and feelings with us.

Mamadou Coulibaly, a 27-year-old man also forced to give up the woman he loved under family pressure.

And finally, Dr. Moussa Sangaré, sociologist and research professor at the University of Bamako, who will help us analyze these different perspectives from a scientific and social angle.

 

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Hello Miss Fatoumata. You are 25 years old and freely chose your husband. How did your family react to this choice? Please tell us.

At first, it was very difficult. My parents didn’t want to hear about him because he wasn’t from our region.

How did you go about explaining your choice so that they would eventually accept it?

 

I first chose to remain calm so as not to make the situation worse. Then I asked them a simple question: would you rather see your daughter stay single her whole life than see her happy?

I explained to them that neither religion nor custom should interfere in matters of the heart. You don’t choose the person you love, just as you don’t choose your parents. But when a love story ends, you simply have to accept it.

I also made it clear that if it were a matter of religion, I had no intention of changing it. That was actually one of their biggest concerns. They were mainly worried about the community’s judgment, thinking that people would mock them.

According to them, the Christian religion is that of unbelievers, and for this reason, a Muslim woman should not marry a Christian, for fear of bringing shame on her family.

 

And in your opinion, what is missing today for young people to truly be able to freely choose their spouse?

 

There needs to be more trust. Parents must believe in our ability to make the right choice. Above all, young people must respect family values so as not to break the bonds.

 

What can you say to those listening right now who find themselves in this situation?

 

To those who are going through the same situation as me, I would say: keep faith. True love should never be a source of shame. Speak from your heart; explain your choice with respect and patience. Sometimes mindsets change slowly, but they always eventually evolve. What matters is staying true to yourself without breaking the bond with your family.

 

Thank you, Fatoumata. Aminata, your story is different. You were married against your will. What happened?

 

I was still very young, barely twenty. At that age, I had dreams, plans, and, above all, my own idea of what marriage should be a union based on love, companionship, and respect. However, my parents decided otherwise.

One day, without even consulting me, they told me they had chosen the man I was going to marry. At first, I thought it was a joke. Then I realized that everything had already been decided: the date, the bride price, the ceremony, and everything else. I refused several times.

I tried to explain to them that I did not love him and that I was not ready. However, they kept repeating the same phrase: “It’s for your own good, my daughter. You’ll understand later.” Therefore, I ended up giving in out of fear of disappointing them. Out of respect too, because I had been taught that a well-raised girl does not contradict her parents.

Today, I live with this man… but the truth is, I am not happy. I pretend every day, to avoid reproach, to prevent scandal. I smile in front of others, but inside, there is a great emptiness.

I feel trapped in a life I did not choose. Sometimes, I wonder if happiness is reserved only for those who have had the chance to choose freely.

 

That’s very moving, Aminata. What message would you like to send to parents who still force their children to marry?

 

I would tell them that a marriage without love brings no peace. It is better to listen to your child than to watch them suffer their whole life.

Mamadou, men face pressure too. Why did you have to give up the woman you loved?

I gave up the woman I loved because she was not from the same ethnic group as me. My family opposed it. I tried to convince them, but the pressure was too strong. In the end, I gave up.

And today, how are you living with this situation?

 

 

It’s a wound. I married later, but without love at first. Over time, I realized that the freedom to choose one’s spouse is a right, not a luxury.

Thank you for being so open and honest!

 

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Mr. Boubacar Diallo, for you, being deeply attached to traditional values and the role of families in choosing a spouse, why does the choice of a partner still remain a collective matter in many Malian families?

 

In our culture, marriage is not just a matter of feelings or love between two people. It is, above all, a union between two families, sometimes even between two communities.

It is a very strong social and cultural bond that involves not only the spouses but also their relatives, ancestors, and future. In our tradition, marriage represents a symbol of balance, continuity, and mutual respect between families.

Therefore, it is not simply a personal choice, but a collective decision, where everyone must ensure the honor and cohesion of the group. That is why parents like us often pay close attention to the compatibility between families: religion, education, values, customs… all of this matters.

We try to avoid unions that could create tension, division, or conflict within the community. This should not be seen as a refusal of our children’s happiness, but rather as a way to protect them.

Parents have more experience; they have lived life, faced challenges, and learned about compromises.

Their opinion is therefore essential, not to impose, but to guide and prevent mistakes that could hurt their children in the long term.

Ultimately, in our culture, marriage is not only an act of love but also an act of wisdom, responsibility, and respect toward the family and society as a whole.

 

Some, however, say that this deprives young people of their freedom. How do you respond to those who claim that this practice is a form of coercion?

It is not coercion; it is a framework. We simply want to prevent mistakes. However, it is true that some parents impose their choice without dialogue, and that can create frustration. I would tell those parents to try to understand young people, because this matter directly concerns them.

Mrs. Traoré, you are a mother and an active member of a women’s association. In your view, how do women perceive the issue of freely choosing a spouse today?

Mindsets are changing a lot, especially among women. In the past, a girl had practically no say; it was the parents or village elders who decided for her. Today, things are different. Women, whether mothers or young girls, want to be listened to, respected, and recognized as full partners in the decisions that affect their lives.

We believe that a marriage should first and foremost be based on mutual consent, love, and understanding. When a union is imposed, it often becomes a source of suffering and frustration, not only for the woman but for the entire family. A woman who has not chosen her husband can hardly thrive, and a household without happiness eventually falls apart.

And in your view, Mrs. Traoré, how can we reconcile respect for traditions with individual freedom, especially within our cultural context?

 

I believe it starts with a lot of dialogue. Young people need to understand the importance of family values, respect for elders, and customs. At the same time, parents also need to learn to listen to their children, to trust them, and to recognize that today’s world is not the same as yesterday’s.

We must find a balance between tradition and modernity. It is not about rejecting our customs, but about adapting them to current realities. When there is listening, respect, and communication between generations, harmony always emerges. And it is within this harmony that a lasting and happy marriage can be born—a very challenging step.

And in your view, how can we reconcile respect for traditions with individual freedom?

It requires dialogue. Young people need to understand family values, and parents need to learn to trust their children. When there is listening, there is harmony.

Dr. Sangaré, you have listened to all these testimonies. What, in your view, do they reveal about Malian society today?

These testimonies reveal a Malian society in full transition. We are at a pivotal moment where two worlds coexist: one of deeply rooted traditions and one of a youth that is open, educated, connected to the rest of the world, and eager to assert itself.

Our customary practices remain very strong, particularly regarding marriage and family. But there is also a sense of change. Young people, both men and women, aspire to more freedom in their choices, greater recognition of their feelings, while still respecting ancestral values.

This is a natural evolution. Society is changing, mindsets are changing, and we must accompany this movement rather than block it. If we reject this evolution, it creates frustration, generational conflicts, and sometimes even ruptures in the social fabric. But if we guide it wisely, it can become a source of balance between modernity and tradition.

And in your view, Dr. Sangaré, how can we promote dialogue between generations on the issue of freely choosing a spouse?

 

I believe that the key is, above all, education—an education that starts in the family and continues at school. Parents should be encouraged to talk with their children, listen to them without judgment, and understand their aspirations. Likewise, young people must also learn to express their choices respectfully and to recognize the role and wisdom of their elders.

Family discussions are essential. But beyond the family, the media—like this program today—have a fundamental role to play. By creating spaces for dialogue, encouraging exchanges, and giving a voice to all generations, they contribute to collective education and to building a more balanced society.

It is important to understand that freedom does not destroy tradition; on the contrary, it modernizes it and gives it new life. A living tradition is one that can adapt without losing its soul.

Thank you to all our guests for their sincere and constructive words. This debate reminds us that marriage should be a union of hearts, not a constraint imposed.

And as an African proverb says: “Forced marriage is a fire that burns without light.”

Dear listeners, we have come to the end of our program of dialogue and reflection. Thank you for your loyalty, and see you very soon for a new episode!