Notes to broadcasters
According to UN Women, care work “consists of activities and relations to meet the physical, psychological, and emotional needs of adults and children, old and young, frail and able-bodied. It includes direct caregiving activities related to caring for children, the elderly, people with illnesses, and people with disabilities, as well as indirect or domestic work such as cooking, cleaning, and collecting water, food and firewood … Unpaid care work refers to the services provided by individuals within a household or community without receiving any monetary compensation for the benefits of its members. Most unpaid care work takes place within families. Unpaid care work also occurs at the community level for people outside the home (friends, neighbours, and community members).”
The Global Citizen reports that at least 42% of women around the world can’t secure jobs because they are responsible for caregiving. In sub-Saharan Africa women spend 3.4 times more on unpaid care work than their male counterparts (UN Women, 2024) A report by Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development found that women in all regions of the world spend more time than men performing unpaid care duties. Women and girls’ unpaid care work responsibilities pose significant barriers to their economic, social, educational, and leadership opportunities. In households with dependents such as children or elderly relatives, women tend to allocate fewer hours to paid employment compared to women in households without such responsibilities. Despite progress towards equality in paid work, women continue to bear the brunt of unpaid care work, largely due to deeply ingrained societal expectations regarding gender roles. Consequently, women are often challenged by time poverty, particularly when sourcing paid care help is not possible. This not only impacts women’s overall well-being but also reduces the quality of care provided to both caregivers and recipients of care, while also hampering their productivity in both paid and unpaid work. The issue goes beyond individual households to affect whole societies. In East and Southern Africa, more than 40% of individuals aged 20 to 24 are not engaged in employment, education, or training. Unpaid care responsibilities are a significant driver, particularly among young women in the region. Amidst these challenges, the paid care sector emerges as a crucial yet underexplored avenue for female employment. Despite its relatively small size in sub-Saharan Africa, the paid care sector is a vital source of income and employment opportunities for women.
In this script, we explore the relationships of two couples from KwaZulu Natal, South Africa as they discuss how they negotiate parenting and sharing domestic duties in their homes. Sandile Ndlovu, a businessman and small-scale farmer, shares how creating a good partnership filled with compassion and consideration with his partner and mother to his four children is critical in raising their children. We also hear from Neli Ndlovu, mother to a one month-old girl, who believes the support she receives from her partner, including sharing domestic duties, will make it easy for her to return to work when their daughter is a bit older.
To produce a similar program on unpaid care, gender equality, and men’s roles in the household, you can use this script as a guide.
If you are interested in creating programs on these topics, you can speak to couples with children, children, and to gender equality activists and experts on unpaid care.
You might ask them:
- How are roles and duties assigned in your household?
- What work do you do as a father around the house to help out in caring for the children and the general household?
- How do you as a father ensure that you are there for your family while dedicating time to your regular work?
- How do you/ can we ensure that your/our children understand the importance of sharing responsibilities without assigning gender to tasks?
Estimated duration of the radio script with music, intro, and extro: 25 minutes
Script
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC UP, THEN FADE OUT
HOST:
Hello and welcome to today’s discussion. We are going to be talking about unpaid care work, which is household and community work that society has assigned to women and girls as bearing the primary responsibility to perform such duties.
In this script we speak to a young couple, Nkululeko Nkwanyana, 39, a forklift operator at a workshop in Durban, and his partner Neli Ndlovu, 39, who is the mother of Lonathemba Ndlovu, born in December 2023. Ndlovu has taken a break from work in order to care for her daughter, with the support of her partner. She hopes to return to work, but believes they will both decide when the time is right for her to do so. While the two have recently welcomed a new child into the family, Nkululeko has other children from a relationship prior to meeting Neli. These children visit them during school holidays.
We then speak to Sandile Ndlovu, 47, a small-scale farmer and businessman who shares how he supports his wife Nelisiwe Mnqayi, 36, to raise their four children who are still in school. Sandile Ndlovu is based in Mtubatuba in Richards Bay, KwaZulu Natal, and is a small-scale poultry farmer and runs a business selling school bags to schools in and around the area.
We also hear from Patrick Godana, a government and media liaison officer for Sonke Gender Justice, an organization advocating for gender equality in South Africa. Sonke Gender Justice runs programs to strengthen the capacity of governments, civil society, and citizens to advance gender justice and women’s rights.
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC UP, THEN FADE OUT
HOST:
Welcome, Nkululeko. Thank you for making time to speak to us today. What motivates you to actively participate in the day-to-day activities of raising your children?
NKULULEKO NKWANYANA:
I believe that as a father I need to take care of my children and be there for them. It goes beyond just offering financial support. I need to be there for them in every way possible.
HOST:
How do you and your partner share parenting responsibilities? Are there specific tasks or duties that you handle, and how do you navigate this collaboration?
NKULULEKO NKWANYANA:
As a person, my partner deserves to rest. Just because she spends her day at home taking care of the baby while I’m at work, it doesn’t mean that I think her duty is lighter than mine. When I get home, I rest a bit if there is nothing urgent to attend to. If she needs me to urgently assist with cooking or anything that needs doing around the house, I help with that. When I’m at home, we share the responsibility of cleaning, cooking, washing, and doing other chores.
HOST:
How do you contribute to your children’s education? Are there specific ways you support their learning at home?
NKULULEKO NKWANYANA:
Although I don’t spend as much time as I could with my other kids because they don’t stay with me, I make it a point to spend as much time as I possibly can when they are here. I teach them how to take care of each other and how to take care of themselves. I also hope that they learn by observing how I behave around them.
HOST:
The knowledge you impart to them, especially on how you help take care of the house, their stepmother, and their sister—is this something you learned when you were older or is it something that was imparted to you when you were growing up?
NKULULEKO NKWANYANA:
This is something that I learned at home growing up. I lived with my grandmother since our parents were away because of work. She taught us how to cook and to do things for ourselves. She would often tell us that there would come a time when we would be on our own and would need to be able to cook and do other things for ourselves.
HOST:
How do you balance your work responsibilities with your role as a father?
NKULULEKO NKWANYANA:
Neli and I have a great understanding. When I am home, she knows that I can help with everything that needs attention, be it taking care of the baby or cooking or cleaning. Even when I return from work, it’s the same. There are times when I come back from work and I’m too tired. Then I help out as much as I can and let her know that I need to rest early because I have to be alert for work the following day.
HOST:
Thank you for speaking to us, Nkululeko. Next we speak to Neli Ndlovu, Nkululeko’s partner. Neli has taken a break from her work as a cleaner at a cleaning agency. She stays home to look after little Lonathemba, who currently spends most of her days feeding and sleeping while her mother is busy with housework—cooking and washing for the family of three. While she enjoys spending time with her daughter, she misses work and earning her own money, and hopes she can go back to work soon. Welcome, Neli. We are happy to have you join the discussion.
HOST:
Neli, how would you describe the partnership you and your husband and partner have in raising your children?
NELI NDLOVU:
At the moment I’m a stay-at-home mom while the baby is still little. I’m hoping to go back into the working space when the child is a bit older. Our relationship is a good partnership, especially when it comes to raising our baby and taking care of her. Because he takes care of us financially, I still get everything that I need, just like when I was working. Besides providing finances, he helps with the physical aspects of taking care of our baby and the household in general.
HOST:
What specific responsibilities or tasks does your husband take on in the daily care and upbringing of your children?
NELI NDLOVU:
When I’m busy in the kitchen attending to house chores or fixing food for us or the baby, he takes care of her. He soothes her and calms her down when she cries. He changes her nappy and feeds her. He is mostly at work during the day, but when he is back home, he takes care of her. There are times when I’m tired and sleep early and he takes over caring for the baby. When she wakes up, he will take care of her and feed her. I breastfeed, but I express milk for the times he has to stay with her while I’m sleeping.
HOST:
Have you noticed any positive impacts on your children’s educational experience due to your husband’s involvement?
NELI NDLOVU:
Our child is still too young for us to see the impact. But with his other children, he is involved in their lives even though they come only to visit during holidays. Whenever he is with them, you can see how close they are to him even though they don’t stay together. I think it is because of the attention he gives them when they are with him.
HOST:
How do you and your husband and partner communicate about parenting decisions and family matters?
NELI NDLOVU:
We talk about everything that needs to be done to care for the child. We decided together that I would stay home and take care of her while she is still young. And we agreed that I would go back to work because I would like to work again. We are keen to have someone look after the child when I go back to work, but that’s still a while from happening.
HOST:
We will now speak to Sandile Ndlovu, a father of four children based in Mtubatuba in Richards Bay, KwaZulu Natal. Hello and welcome to the program, Sandile.
HOST:
What motivates you to actively participate in raising your children?
SANDILE NDLOVU:
I was raised by a single mother, and it was not easy. There was a time growing up when I needed a father to play his role—to tell a young man about the important issues associated with growing up. A father who was going to teach me what being a real man meant. I never had that as my father cut us out of his life after he separated from our mother. Today, it is my responsibility to give that love and attention to my children, and for them to know what it is like to have a father. I want them to see that they have the best father—which is what I try to be for them.
HOST:
How do you and your partner share parenting responsibilities? Are there specific tasks or duties that you handle, and how do you navigate this collaboration?
SANDILE NDLOVU:
My wife and I do not allocate house chores according to societal gender norms and standards. What often happens is that when my wife is busy with the laundry, l clean the entire house and prepare breakfast. Because we sell chickens, my wife sometimes feeds during the day while I’m busy cooking in the kitchen. My two-year-old son often prefers spending more time with me than he does with his mom. I set a lot of time aside to give him the attention he needs. I live with four of my children and the two-year-old is the youngest one.
HOST:
How do you contribute to your children’s education? Are there specific ways you support their learning at home?
SANDILE NDLOVU:
I always try to be involved in their education, at home and at school. I share my knowledge with them every chance I get, and get involved with their school work. I actively communicate with their teachers to find out what challenges they might be having at school. It is often difficult for teachers to help the child adequately if the parents are not involved. When it comes to instilling a culture of learning and studying, I feel that it is not right to leave it to their mother to handle that alone. I set the alarm on my phone to wake them up for school and help them get ready. We try to make it a joint operation.
HOST:
How do you balance your work responsibilities with your role as a father?
SANDILE NDLOVU:
As a person who has their own business, it is sometimes difficult to make time. I often spend all day attending to school bag orders for my business. This means spending all day at the school. I still need to be able to make myself available when my wife calls to let me know that we need food for the chickens or asks me to drive past the shops to pick up items for the house. Due to crime, I also have to do some chicken sales because my wife is afraid and doesn’t feel comfortable selling to customers when she is alone in the house. I often have to return home to assist with that. She runs our other business, which is hiring out cutlery for local events.
HOST:
Thank you for participating in this discussion, Sandile. We are now going to invite Sandile’s wife, Nelisiwe Mnqayi to join the conversation and to tell us more about their family set-up.
NELISIWE MNQAYI:
Thank you for inviting me to the program.
HOST:
How would you describe the partnership you and your husband have in raising your children?
NELISIWE MNQAYI:
My partner is really great. I believe we have a beautiful partnership, especially when it comes to raising our children. He is hands on when it comes to participating in raising our children. I never feel like I’m doing the day-by-day work of taking care of the home and our family alone.
HOST:
Can you share specific responsibilities or tasks that your husband takes on in the daily care and upbringing of your children?
NELISIWE MNQAYI:
He helps me around the house. If there is cooking to be done, he doesn’t wait for me to do it. While I do some house chores, he takes care of others. He is particularly involved when it comes to helping our children with their studies. Whenever they have challenges with their school work, they let him know.
HOST:
Have you noticed any positive impacts on your children’s educational experiences due to your husband’s involvement?
NELISIWE MNQAYI:
His involvement has a great impact on them and his relationship with them. They are happy and they perform well at school. I believe that this has everything to do with all the support they receive from me and him. They know that they can go to either one of us and get the support they need.
HOST:
How do you and your husband communicate about parenting decisions and family matters?
NELISIWE MNQAYI:
Because their father is so involved in their lives, we discuss everything to do with the kids together. Neither of us make decisions without engaging the other. We recently decided to reduce the housework the kids do at home in order to give them space and time to focus on their school work. So we needed to divide the duties that were being done by the kids between the two of us. That is something that would not work if he was not so involved in children’s daily lives.
HOST:
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, Nelisiwe. Next we speak to Patrick Godana, the Government and Media Liaison Officer at Sonke Gender Justice, an NGO advocating for gender equality in South Africa. Hello and welcome to you, Patrick. Thank you for joining us today.
HOST:
Why is it important for men to be involved in caring for their children?
PATRICK GODANA:
It is good for us as men to be in touch with our own feelings. The fact that as men we do not have a womb does not mean we don’t have an emotional attachment to our children. Our intention is to have men fully present from before conception all the way to when the child is born, through schooling, until they are old enough to take care of themselves. Men need to know that taking care of their children is their responsibility. That is why we are calling on companies to give men paternity leave. We want companies to encourage and support men’s efforts to be present in the lives of their children.
HOST:
What is the impact of having a father who is present in the daily lives of his children?
PATRICK GODANA:
Having men be part of their children’s lives can be a catalyst in the efforts to end gender-based violence. Because when men treat their partners well, their children are there to witness this and emulate his behaviour. Kids learn more from looking than hearing. When they see their parents, especially their fathers, taking care of them and helping their partners, they emulate that behaviour.
HOST:
What responsibilities should fathers take on in terms of child care or household duties?
PATRICK GODANA:
These should not be cast in black and white. Men need to show that they understand that care work is not for women but for everyone. They can be there for women before pregnancy, during it, and long after they have given birth. They can be there during antenatal visits. They can get tested together infections. They can be there when the child is being born. They can do so without being invasive or controlling, by talking with their partners and deciding together on what the best option for them would be. They should be able to take charge when it comes to doing care work in the house. It should not be hard for them to do things such as cleaning the house, feeding their children, reading to them, and washing their clothes. They should not assume that these are duties that can only be performed by their partners or their girl children—these are duties they can also do.
HOST:
Thank you so much for that insight, Patrick, and thank you to the rest of our guests. We have just had an interesting discussion on the value of men who help raise their children. We heard from one of our guests, Nkululeko Nkwanyana, who shared with us how he and partner Neli Ndlovu are equally sharing the responsibility of caring for their newborn daughter, Lonathemba. We also spoke to Sandile Ndlovu, a poultry farmer and businessman from Mtubatuba in Richards Bay, KwaZulu Natal, who told us how not having a father in his life made it critical for him to ensure that he is there for his wife, Nelisiwe Mnqayi, and their four children. Our final guest for today’s discussion was Patrick Godana, a Government and Media Liaison Officer at Sonke Gender Justice, a not-for-profit organization advocating for gender equality in South Africa. He reminded us that fathers have a critical role to play when it comes to raising their children.
I would also like to say thank you to you the listener for being with us today. Please join us again on our next program.
Acknowledgements
Contributed by: Lungi Langa, freelance journalist, South Africa
Reviewed by: Zahra Sheikh Ahmed, Programme Analyst, Women’s Economic Empowerment, UN Women East and Southern Africa Regional Office, Nairobi
Interviews:
Nkululeko Nkwanyana interviewed in KwaZulu Natal, interviewed on January 24, 2024
Neli Ndlovu, interviewed on January 24, 2024
Sandile Ndlovu, interviewed on January 19, 2024
Nelisiwe Mnqayi, interviewed on January 21, 2024
Patrick Godana, the Government and Media Liaison Officer at Sonke Gender Justice, an NGO advocating for gender equality in South Africa, interviewed on January 23, 2024
This resource was produced through the ‘UCARE – Unpaid Care in sub-Saharan Africa‘ initiative, which aims to increase gender equality and women’s empowerment through a commitment to more just and equitable sharing of unpaid care and domestic work within the household and the family in sub-Saharan Africa. The project is implemented in partnership with Farm Radio International (FRI), UN Women, and The African Women’s Development and Communications Network (FEMNET) thanks to funding from Global Affairs Canada.
