Notes to broadcasters
In Mali, as in many traditional West African societies, the power of tradition is unquestionable, and romantic relationships are not exempt from it. Even women’s “submission” to sexual violence is viewed as “honorable” and those women who do not submit to it are subject to all kinds of punishments. This is also true for young people between 15 and 35-years-old Among couples, the concept of “marital duty” is a traditional value in these societies and marital rape is unrecognized, as, according to tradition, men cannot be accused of rape within a couple, even if they force their wife to have sex.
Consent is necessary at any moment of a sexual relationship and consent is, above all, a matter of communication. If the person hesitates, it is not consent. Desire cannot be forced or ordered. Desire is not a proof of love. Sex can only take place if each partner genuinely wants to engage in sexual activity and consents to it.
This play deals with the problem of consent between Hamidou and his fiancée, Sokoura.
The story takes place in Dantèmèbougou, an imaginary village rooted in traditional attitudes and practices dating back several centuries. Hamidou and Sokoura are two young people in love. After their parents announce their engagement, the two young people start dating to get to know each other better. Sokoura is eager to show that she was the one who hit the jackpot by getting engaged to the one whom all the girls in the village were dreaming of. But misunderstanding quickly sets in between the two. Sokoura wanted sexuality built on consent. But Hamidou did not understand it that way and wanted to act as he pleased, no matter what. Sokoura could not take it anymore and threatened to leave her fiancé if he did not change his behaviour. Hamidou’s friend Lassi and Bamineta, an older neighbour, both failed to help the couple addresses their differences. Seeing that he was in danger of losing Sokoura, Hamidou sought the advice of Mr. Samaké, a teacher in the village. After listening to Mr. Samaké, Hamidou regretted his actions. Finally, the two young people understood each other and continued to live their beautiful love story.
This play shows how young couples can change their behaviour so that they can enjoy healthy, consenting sexual relationships. This drama could be a source of inspiration for broadcasters who want to provide a platform for communities to discuss the challenges to the sexual fulfillment of women in couples as an infringement of women’rights. The drama could also serve as a source of information for question-and-answer or talk and dialogue radio programs.
For broadcasters who want to create programming on this issue, they could speak with experts on this subject and with ordinary women and men. They could ask the following questions, among others:
- When a man has sex with a woman, should her opinion be taken into account?
- What should be done if a woman does not consent to have sex?
- When does a man’s insistence on sexual activity become rape?
- Can someone be accused of rape within a couple?
- Does not saying no mean giving consent?
The play is composed of three scenes and lasts 20 to 25 minutes.
Script
Characters:
The narrator;
Hamidou, Sokoura’s fiancé;
Sokoura, Hamidou’s fiancée;
Lassi, Hamidou’s friend;
Bamineta, social advisor;
Mr. Samaké, the village teacher
Scene I:
How it all began between Hamidou and Sokoura
NARRATOR:
In this first scene, Sokoura learns that her parents have accepted Hamidou’s engagement kola. She is delighted with them because she has just been granted her wish to become the wife of the man that every woman would like to be married to. Hamidou obeys all the whims of the beautiful Sokoura who, by the way, he loves very much. While Sokoura wants to consolidate her relationship with her man, Hamidou plans to take advantage of all their encounters to satisfy his libido. This behavior annoys Sokoura who suggests a consensual and non-violent love, but without success.
HAMIDOU:
(happy) Is this really possible, you and me side by side. Who would have believed it!
SOKOURA:
(sMILING) Hamidou, can you give me a hug?
HAMIDOU:
We are not used to doing that in our village and God spare me the torments of those who will laugh at me. (LAUGHING)
SOKOURA:
You know, I am experiencing an unforgettable moment in my life.
SOKOURA:
I have been dreaming of being with you for a long time.
SOKOURA:
Absolutely true. In fact, I don’t know if it impacted my studies because I kept imagining you in the arms of the beautiful girls of Dantèmèbougou, especially this year. In any case, I often wondered if you had bewitched me.
HAMIDOU:
(LAUGHING) No, not at all. Besides, like you, I have never stopped loving you. You have always been in my thoughts.
SOKOURA:
(STUNNED) Why didn’t you tell me this before? So, all this time you were secretly in love with me?
HAMIDOU:
(SMILE) Yes, I’ve always loved you, but I was afraid that if I approached you I would fail because you are educated and I am not.
SOKOURA:
(LAUGHING LOUDLY) You were afraid of me? Am I a devil?
HAMIDOU:
You are more beautiful than a devil. Don’t you realize that?
SOKOURA:
(SMILE) Then I must thank God.
HAMIDOU:
No, I should rather thank God for making me a very lucky man. With you by my side, nothing can stop me.
HAMIDOU:
I am not exaggerating anything! I was obsessed by my love for you—the way you walk, your perfumes … in short, everything about you suited me. And yet I worried because there was this educational gap that separated us.
SOKOURA:
Education should not be a barrier in matters of love. Don’t make me doubt you when you tell me that you love me.
HAMIDOU:
To prove that I will be faithful to you all my life, I will choose monogamy in front of the mayor and my parents. I will sing your praises from the rooftops, you will be the barometer of my health, the mercury of my time, my anger will dissipate at the sight of you, and you will never be bullied, neither by me nor by anyone else as long as I live.
SOKOURA:
All this is beautiful. But what assurance do you have that your love for me will be eternal? Because at the simple sight of an influencer coming from nowhere, some people lose their minds (LAUGHTER).
HAMIDOU:
Don’t worry about that. How many women in this village are after me—have you ever heard that I took advantage of any of them?
SOKOURA:
In any case, all I ask is that you don’t disappoint me in our life together. I am yours and I love it, but don’t abuse me and don’t trap me.
HAMIDOU:
Don’t worry, darling, I accept you with joy and promise to be an exemplary husband. Don’t worry because you will remain charming all your life (LAUGHS) and I give you my word. Only I would like us to celebrate our engagement.
SOKOURA:
You’ll have time because I’ll be with you every night so that no predator roams around you.
HAMIDOU:
I want it too much, and the roundness of your waist is so exciting that you can’t even imagine it.
SOKOURA:
From now on, you must know that I have my principles concerning our moments of intimacy. That’s why I told you not to tempt me. I would like us to consult each other in advance to choose when to make love, because I am not the type of person who forces her way.
HAMIDOU:
My dear, relax, sexual desire never gives no warning—it arises instantaneously as soon as you are with the one you love.
SOKOURA:
You are wrong. Without prior consent, sexual intercourse has no meaning. In any case, I would like us to agree before anything else.
HAMIDOU:
We’ll see about that later, but for the moment you are mine and I know that you too would want us to make love now, so let’s go to the room and celebrate our union.
NARRATOR:
This scene is where things will go wrong between Hamidou and Sokoura. Hamidou’s intimidation and attempted rape force Sokoura to flee to Baminata’s house. But Baminata throws her out with her problems in the middle of the night. Confronted with Hamidou’s insistence, Sokoura pulls herself together by limiting her outings and by threatening to break the engagement with Hamidou.
HAMIDOU:
You know, my darling, yesterday I did not sleep after our intimate moments. I spent the rest of the night thinking only of you. Your sweetness, your innocence, your charm—I thought I was in a movie. That’s why I want to be assured that what I experienced yesterday was not a dream. So, let’s start the evening by consummating our engagement. Let’s go to bed and make love.
SOKOURA:
Without meaning to offend you, I don’t want to have sex today.
HAMIDOU:
But look at me, with my pants so big, you dare to leave me all stiff like that?
SOKOURA:
Take a shower, it will calm you down.
SOKOURA:
Sorry, Hamidou, I’m not in the mood.
HAMIDOU:
(FRUSTRATED) What’s the point ofhaving a dog that doesn’t bite?
SOKOURA:
So I’m your dog that doesn’t bite, huh?
HAMIDOU:
That’s just a local saying—nothing else.
SOKOURA:
Well, it’s a misplaced proverb because it doesn’tfit with what we are discussing.
HAMIDOU:
But I only spoke the truth. How do you want me to talk about you if you refuse me sex?
SOKOURA:
(DISTRAUGHT) Are you not the one who is abandoning me? Yesterday you promised me heaven and earth to keep me.
HAMIDOU:
(ANGRY) That’s the life of a couple. It’s a contract and each party must honour their part. I promised you everything without asking for anything in return and now you are not willing to offer me your body.
SOKOURA:
(DISAPPOINTED) I’m sorry, but my body will not be offered or exchanged for any promise. I told you … you have to respect me as a person. Stop seeing me as a sex object. My body doesn’t belong to you and watch out or we won’t get anywhere this way. I was too hasty in going out with you.
HAMIDOU:
(SHOUTING) I asked for your parents’ permission and they accepted me! So that gives me the right to go out with you whenever I want and make love to you as much as I want!
LASSI:
Ah, here are our two lovebirds still in flame. It’s very good because, when you become a couple, you mustn’t waste time before making your first baby (laughing).
HAMIDOU:
(DISAPPOINTED) You’re just in time, my friend. I was going to come see you because I don’t understand Sokoura.
LASSI:
What don’t you understand about her?
HAMIDOU:
(FORCEFULLY) She refuses to let me make love to her!
LASSI:
(STUNNED) Well, that’s not possible, because she belongs to you.
HAMIDOU:
(POINTING AT SOKOURA) You hear that! You belong to me and I’m going to do what I want with you, come what may.
LASSI:
Hamidou, let me tell you this: I would never waste my time with a woman who refuses to have sex with me because the union of a man and a woman is built around sex. But let me leave you to avoid being a bird of ill omen. See you later!
HAMIDOU:
You heard what Lassi said. I am not asking you for anything else in life, but never refuse to have sex with me. You owe it to me as my fiancée.
SOKOURA:
I did not refuse to have sex with you. I said that I am not ready for sex today and that we should agree in advance. What’s more, I don’t owe you anything. If I hadn’t come tonight, what were you going to do?
HAMIDOU:
(ANGRY) I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but lie down.
SOKOURA:
(STRUGGLES) Leave me alone, Hamidou, I won’t do anything. I’m leaving.
HAMIDOU:
You are not leaving this house until I get what I want.
SOKOURA:
If it’s meat, enjoy it, but as for my sex, you will never touch it tonight and maybe never again. Goodbye.
HAMIDOU:
(NERVOUS) Stop. Come back, don’t go like that, wait for me we’ll figure it out.
SOKOURA:
(AT BAMINETA’S HOUSE) Bamineta, Bamineta, talk to Hamidou. he wants to rape me.
BAMINETA:
(SURPRISED) Rape you? get out of my house with your stories of rape! Every woman is at her husband’s mercy. Get out of my house quickly and don’t come here again. Hamidou, don’t leave her because she is yours and the whole village is witness to this.
NARRATOR:
HAMIDOU CHASEs SOKOURA BUT DOES NOT CATCH UP WITH HER.
SOKOURA:
(FAR AWAY) This time, it’s over between you and me. Find yourself another woman.
HAMIDOU:
(apologetic) Forgive me Sokoura. Come back and we will understand each other. I didn’t want it to go this far.
NARRATOR:
Hamidou senses the impending separation that he does not want to happen. He takes the advice of Mr. Samaké, a teacher in the village, to avoid losing the woman of his life. Mr. Samaké explains to him the challenges of true love. Hamidou regrets his actions and makes it known to Sokoura. He promises to get rid of all his preconceptions and to gain her consent before any sexual activity from now on. Sokoura, who did not want them to separate either, forgives her fiancé and gives him another chance.
HAMIDOU:
Me, throwing my love to the dogs, no. I would never bow down to a woman for sex. If she does not accept that I make love to her, we separate.
LASSI:
My friend, forgive me. I could have been the one to save you, but my pride as a man stripped me of my reason and I carried you away in the confusion of my mistakes. As I understand that your life is now intimately linked to Sokoura, I asked the village teacher, Mr. Samaké, to come and talk to you. He is wise he knows about love, so listen to his advice.
LASSI:
Yes, Mr. Samaké, in flesh and blood.
MR. SAMAKÉ:
Hamidou, hello. What is the issue?
HAMIDOU: Sokoura does not behave like a submissive woman, and I won’t put up with it.
LASSI:
I told you that the purpose of being in a couple is to have sex, but I can’t decide for you.
HAMIDOU:
Don’t worry, my friend. I won’t give in on this point because her behavior is contrary to our morals.
MR. SAMAKE:
Even our customs command respect for women in all circumstances, Hamidou.
HAMIDOU:
(IN A BITTER TONE) Mr. Samaké, have you ever heard of a woman deciding the timing of sexual relations in a couple?
MR. SAMAKE:
There you go … you’re touching the root cause of many marital conflicts that have disastrous consequences in our homes. Isn’t a woman a human being?
MR. SAMAKE:
So if you agree that she is a human being like you, she has the same rights as you. So, she is entitled to consideration and respect.
HAMIDOU:
So be it, but her rights don’t include refusing to have sex. I was never taught that and I can’t make any prior agreement with her in that regard.
MR. SAMAKE:
Tell me frankly: do you love Sokoura as you claim?
HAMIDOU:
I loved her. But with this behavior, I don’t know anymore.
MR. SAMAKE:
Loving someone implies that you are ready to put up with all their whims. Forcing sex is not the same as loving, it is more like exploitation.
HAMIDOU:
You are going too far, Mr. Samaké, how can one exploit one’s companion?
MR. SAMAKE:
By putting sexual pressure on the woman, you don’t love her but you mistreat her, you exploit her.
MR. SAMAKE:
Yes, to love a woman is to understand her, to listen to her, and to cooperate with her on all issues, especially about intimacy.
HAMIDOU:
(SMILING) That’s a new thing in matters of love!
MR. SAMAKE:
For you, maybe. But no woman should accept this kind of sexual pressure. In any case, if you care about her, cool down. You will discover true love.
HAMIDOU:
(CONVINCED AND SHAMEFUL) So I am my own gravedigger, Mr. Samaké?
MR. SAMAKE:
Absolutely, but it’s never too late!
HAMIDOU:
If what you’re telling me will let me keep Sokoura,then I’m going to look for her and ask her forgiveness.
MR. SAMAKÉ:
A wise man knows himself and understandshis responsibility, as you do. Never listen to others in matters of love, listen to your heart, listen to your partner.
HAMIDOU:
She tried to make me understand that I don’t know how to love.
MR. SAMAKÉ:
True love does not lie in the power of sex or money, but rather in the ability to respect your partner’s process.
HAMIDOU:
It’s true, she warned me.
MR. SAMAKÉ:
She warned you because she loves you with all her soul. You should have made an effort to understand her.
HAMIDOU: (LAMENTING) I was blinded by my desire, and I couldn’t see or hear anything other than making love to Sokoura. I was obsessed.
MR. SAMAKÉ:
Women in love do not prefer bullies.
MR. SAMAKÉ:
To be in the good graces of such a beautiful woman and to leave her brutally is not tender.
HAMIDOU:
I understand, I understand. Would she forgive me?
MR. SAMAKÉ:
Every lover’s heart tells him that he must sometimes retreat in order to move forward more surely. You should know that nothing is ruined and that you only have to change to win back Sokoura’s heart.
HAMIDOU:
I swear to you, Mr. Samaké, that I will never stoop so low again as to betray my own heart, let alone that of Sokoura.
NARRATOR:
AT THIS MOMENT, SOKOURA APPEARED AND SAW HAMIDOU, WHO SAW HIM.
SOKOURA:
Mr. Samaké, gold only shines for those who haveears. Your wise words would have escaped me if I had not been around. Thank you for your advice.
Hamidou, I heard everything you said! Now, what do you want to say to me? I’m listening.
HAMIDOU:
I swear by all that is sacred to me that I was mistaken about you and I ask your forgiveness.
SOKOURA:
Don’t the Bamananw people (Editor’s note: A culture and language in southwest Mali) say that the bite of a dog is not healed by a simple pardon?
HAMIDOU:
You are right. From now on, I am yours, you deserve my attention, and your opinion counts in everything, including our intimate moments. I was too weak, forgive me, dear!
SOKOURA:
(SATISFIED) Your weakness leads you to your happiness, because many people in your situation would not overcome their pride. I therefore forgive you and ask you to be more courteous in your approach because only consent strengthens love and flavours intimacy. I am all yours, my heart!
NARRATOR:
True love is based on communication, mutual respect, tenderness, and consent between a man and a woman. So, let’s not confuse our urges with love. Let’s change our behaviour towards our partners. Then, we can reduce violence and conflicts in our couples and promote peace in our homes and communities.
Acknowledgements
Contributed by: Drissa Fomba, President of the Mali Traditional Association (AMTRAD)
Reviewed by: Hadidjatou Diarra, Communications Advisor Advocacy on Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) Program
This resource was produced through the “HÉRÈ – Bien-être des femmes au Mali” initiative, which aims to improve the well-being of women and girls in the area of sexual and reproductive health and to strengthen the prevention of and response to gender-based violence in the regions of Sikasso, Ségou, Mopti, and the district of Bamako, Mali. The project is implemented by the HÉRÈ – MSI Mali Consortium, in partnership with Farm Radio International (FRI) and Women in Law and Development in Africa (WiLDAF) with funding from Global Affairs Canada.
