Understanding Each Other: The Importance of Listening to Youth and Children

Children need affection and attention from their parents. They need time to play. Without adequate support and attention children may feel unwanted, sad and angry.

Mama Iminza lived with Baba Egoso, and they had a boy named Sammy. Baba Egoso was a farmer, and when he was not farming he worked hard making cement blocks. He was very busy and never had time to speak to Sammy.

Mama Iminza woke Sammy at 2 o’clock each morning to grind corn, and three hours later, at 5 o’clock, he had to milk the cows. At 7 o’clock Sammy left for school. At 4 o’clock in the afternoon he came back from school to bring in the cows, and at 6 o’clock he helped his mother do dishes. Sammy went to bed at 8 o’clock, then got up at 2 o’clock in the morning to start again.

One day, without speaking to his mother or father, Sammy ran away.

MUSICAL BREAK (Soft, sad music for 3 seconds).

CONTINUE MUSIC QUIETLY UNDER NARRATOR.

Why did Sammy run away from home?

I’ll leave you today with this thought — the thought of Sammy running away from his home. And some questions to consider. Why did Sammy leave? Is there anything that could have been done to prevent him from running away? What conflict is this family facing?

And I also ask you to think about whether or not this could happen in your own community? Perhaps even in your own home?

If you have ideas to share with other listeners about this story, please contact us here at radio station _____________________________.

And stay tuned. In a few moments, we’ll hear the story of a conflict between a father and son, and how the conflict was successfully resolved.

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: It is important to respect the feelings and ideas of young people. Try to find a way to communicate with them even though their feelings and behaviour may be difficult for you to understand.

In all families, parents and their children have problems understanding each other and getting along sometimes. You may notice that your young sons and daughters are sometimes unhappy or angry. There are probably many reasons for their behaviour.

Young people who live in the countryside often feel pressure to look and act like the young people in towns and cities. It may be difficult for you to talk with them and understand their feelings and actions, but it is important to try. The story you are going to hear is about a father who made a special effort to understand the feelings of his son.

MUSICAL BREAK (3 seconds).

A young man and his father had a disagreement. The young man, who was 19 years old, attended school in the nearest town. In town, most of the young men had short hair. The son wanted to cut his hair short, too, so he would look like the others in town. The father wanted his son to keep his hair long — like the other village men — to show respect to his family and his tribe. The argument upset them both very much. It upset the son so much that he considered leaving home. The father thought of disowning his son who was showing such a lack of respect. Although he loved his son deeply, he felt unable to solve the conflict.

Do you ever have disagreements with your sons and daughters? Is this conflict — the one in the story between the son and his father — something that could happen in your family? If so, how would you try to solve it?

The family in this story had a tradition of asking other family members to help with problems that could not be solved in the home. And so the father organized a meeting. What happened at the meeting? Let’s get back to the story.

The father called a meeting of the family. Grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins were all invited. He slaughtered a goat for the occasion. After the meal, all the family members sat in a circle outside one of the houses. When everyone was gathered, the father spoke. He talked about the conflict between himself and his son. He asked the family to help him and his son understand one another.

The family listened to the father and to the son. They asked them many questions. Both father and son spoke of their feelings about their disagreement. The father felt his authority in the family was being questioned. He felt his son did not respect him.

And what about the son? The son was worried that his friends in town would make fun of him if he did not cut his hair. He wanted to be accepted by his classmates. He was worried they wouldn’t respect him because he came from the village.

MUSICAL BREAK.

Once the father and son understood that what they both wanted was respect, it was easier to work towards a solution. What was this solution? In a moment, you will hear what they decided.

MUSICAL BREAK (3 seconds).

The family was able to find a solution that both the father and the son could accept. What they decided was that the son would be allowed to cut his hair while he was at school in town, but that he would spend his holidays at home with his father. When he was at home, he would let his hair grow long again and observe all the tribal traditions. This agreement was acceptable to both father and son. The father stood up and spoke to the family again.
He said, “I thought my son and I would never talk to each other again. I never imagined that we would have such a wonderful outcome.”

Then the son stood up. He also spoke. He said, “I thought my father would never understand my feelings. But in the end, I see we both wanted the same thing — to be respected. My father has heard my wish and honoured it, and so I will honour my father’s wishes. I will show respect to him and to my tribe for the rest of my life.”

MUSICAL BREAK.

FADE MUSIC AND HOLD UNDER NARRATOR.

Difficult conflicts can often be solved in ways that we never thought possible. In this story, we see that there were really two different issues. One problem — the one that everybody could see — was the conflict about the long hair. The other problem lay inside both father and son — the fear that they would not be respected. When the underlying issues are heard, often an acceptable solution can be found. Usually, getting to this stage requires the help of other people, such as the other family members in this story, to finally come to an understanding.

FADE OUT MUSIC.

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